Sometimes people e-mail me from "major" metropolitan
areas in this great land of ours and inevitably, they always end
up saying something about the fact that Prof. Tread, Bro. George
and Jumpin' Joe were born, bred and still reside in Kentucky...the
land of hillbilly, toothless, cuzzin' kissing, sheep fuckers who
either live in pre-manufactured homes (trailers, dumbass) or shit
in a hole in the dirt in a 3X3 lean-to that is commonly referred
to as an outhouse, right? It never fails, I think it is a little
"what could these bumpkins know about movies, movie-makers
are from the city..." Well that might be the case for a lot
of the big time masters of film-type stuff, but back in the early
1970's there was a filmmaker raising a little stink right up they
road here, by the name of William (Billy) Girdler...A man who
flourished in the state known for its vices of bourbon whiskey,
(Bourbon County, the home of said substance is 10 minutes from
my door) gambling on the ponies (Louisville, Girdler's home is,
of course, home of the most exciting 2 minutes in sports outside
of sleeping with Magic Johnson, The Kentucky Derby) and of course
lest we not forget, tobacco, that zany death weed that claims
the lives of more casual users than Heroin, Coke, Oxycontin and
car wrecks combined. That's right the man behind such exploitation
classics as Grizzly, Zebra Killer, Asylum of Satan and this shit-tacular
miracle of celluloid smegma known only as ABBY, oh yes, ABBY,
was a proud Kentuckian just like us 3 goombas, so it goes without
saying we love him as a kindred spirit and brother, albeit from
another planet, KENTUCKY! Call us Kentucky boyz what you want,
just don't call us late for the drive-in city-fuck.
ABBY is many things to many different people, who have had the
honor to gaze upon its greatness. It is blaxploitation, at least
in cast although the film is for everyman. It is a horror film,
it involves demon possession, flying bodies, creamy lactose-like
vomit and eyebrows that would scare and possibly scar small children.
It is a comedy, possibly intentionally, not just in the "wow
look at that" ha-ha fashion, but in a more cerebral, snide
inside joke on the Hollywood which was taking place at the time...of
course I am referring to the arch-nemesis of ABBY, THE EXORCIST,
the supposed film so much like ABBY, that ABBY was removed from
screens for plagiarism of William Blatty's tome to his dead mother
that so scared my very own Mom, that we forever had a bumper sticker
that proclaimed..."I not scared of anything, I've seen The
Exorcist!" not on our bumper mind you, BUT ON THE DASHBOARD!
I shit you not, my Mom loved 2 movies, Blazing Saddles, it had
fart jokes, and The Exorcist, look don't ask me, she drank a lot.
This review could easily become why that claim, the lawsuit which
sprang from it, and the subsequent legal bullshit which followed,
was exactly that, bullshit but I will save such ind-depth meandering
for the pros i.e. www.williamgirdler.com
the absolutely be-all-end-all, all purpose, Girder shrine erected
by the incredibly talented and damn adorable, GirdlerGirl, who
has once and for all, proven to me that us boyz don't make the
only damned, full-fledged, film freaks, there are some gals have
have the same screw loose as well, but I digress. I want to review
the film without the talk of how Abby is exactly like The Exorcist
in each and every way. So on with show... The Exor, oops I mean...
ABBY (1974) A.I. FRICKIN' P. Carol "Big Bird Cage"
Speed, William "Blacula"Marshall and a cast of fine
black actsmiths including Austin Stoker as Abby's brother, Cass,
Terry Carter as Emmet, her husband and even Girdler pal, the lily-white
Charlie Kissinger, host of Lousiville's Fright Night, shows
up in the still, very rare slice of "ethni-debil-inside-me"
fun that gets rolling as the aforementioned Mr. Marshall's Dr.
Williams 'splains to a group of students what he will be
up to on his journey to the wilds of Africa, Nigeria, in particular.
It seems Dr. William, "Pheee-ol-O-gist", will not only
be helping the natives clean up the trailer parks after this bizarre
rash of natural disasters, but he will also be studying up on
a cult that resides in the area, that worships a phallic (schlong)
shaped entity that runs rampant in the bush. It seems this dick
spirit is named Eshu and his followers they are a bunch of sex
crazed, thrill seekers who are a small group of followers who
make up a larger group of followers of the Yoruba religion. Marshall
actually spoke on the subject of this real religion during
the 70's, no doubt in a tasty Dashiki. The students, of course,
dig all this sexy, sex talk and reward him with a beautiful batch
of Bling, Bling...well not really, just a big old silver cross,
but not before one of the more ambitious students proclaims, he
will write his "Pheeesees" on Eshu. A stone-cole group
of inter-lec-shuls, this bunch.
Next we are to believe Dr. Williams has arrived in Nigeria, why
you ask? Because of the use of some rather lame bulk stock footage.
Doc and his crew find a hollow phallic (one-eyed wonder worm)
container. They go ahead and open it of course, dust flies, wind
blows and these poor Indiana Johnsons are tossed around like big
black rag dolls. We see flashes of some sort of thing with bushy
eyebrows, bad male-pattern balding and I am assuming it is Eshu
although it is short on the phallic (dong) symbolism we had heard
so much about.
Finally we land in Louisville (pronounced Lou-a-vulle) for the
uninitiated and are introduced to Abby and her husband an Episcopalian
Minister and son of Dr. Williams, Emmet, as they are ready to
begin their new lives together in a new home. They are chatting
it up Mama Potter during the move and we get our first glimpse
of Carol Speed (Abby)...and of the fried chicken. I would not
be doing my job if I didn't mention how absolutely cute Ms. Speed
is as Abby. Seriously, she is gorgeous. Abby and Emmet take a
break and I spy in the background a bucket of "The Colonel"
that is right, CHICKEN. Now it is no secret that ol' Harlen Sanders
was from Kentucky. It is also not a secret that he secretly wanted
badly to be involved in the movie making business, on more than
one occasion he made cameos in Al Adamson films or course in trade
for doing the catering for the crew. It is not a stretch to believe
that Billy Girdler hooked up with the main offices of KFC to arrange
Original Recipe for everyone on the set, of course in trade for
a little product placement. That is my theory anyway, either that
or BLACK FOLKS SURE LIKE FRIED CHICKEN! Because the next 3 scenes
all involve some chicken eating.
Abby and Emmet get moved in, Abby hears noises at night, wakes
up Emmet and makes use of this disturbance by fucking his brains
The next morning Abby showers Emmet's Jesus-loving love juices
off her, only to have some sort of Madonna-shower-headed orgasm
that has something to do with a big phallic (3rd leg) shadow creature
we witness through the shower curtain...So, it is on, Abby has
been taken over by Eshu, from way across the continents this phallic
(main vein) God, set free from his domain (a hallowed out tiki
lamp), gathered up his dust particled ass and has decided the
daughter-in-law of Dr. Williams is the target to reek havoc with...I
am with you, this is exactly like William Blatty wrote in The
Exorcist...what a rip.
From here we have Abby, getting upset while cutting chicken,
rolling here tongue around and convincing me further that this
Carol Speed would have been dynamite in the sack, cutting her
arm, talking in a evil-dubbed Eshu voice, singing in church (one
of my favorite scenes as the flock grimaces, yawns and stairs
at their shoes), then puking after dry humping Emmet's leg and
tons more zaniness that mimics The Exorcist shot for shot, well
if Linda Blair and Ellen Burstyn ate a lot of chicken and were
black and Friedkin had a budget of $6.
These shenanigans carry on until Abby eventually kills Mrs. Wiggins,
the overtly white organist just by bellowing "Wiggins isn't
your name. Horace Wiggins never married you. He screwed you once
and left you to rot like a rotting apple." Deadly words,
you know like in The Exorcist.
Emmet has no choice but to tell Daddy to get his Yoruba black
ass to Louisville and figure out what is up with his baby. Abby
gets an X-ray, surprisingly Eshu doesn't show up, possibly an
MRI might have caught a glimpse, but anyway, Abby slaps some Whiteys
and runs home about the time Dr. Williams is listening to Emmet
whine about his womans be acting all crazy. Abby tries to grab
Dr. Williams crotch and we get a glimpse of Blacula's rather gargantuan
hands, holy shit, Blacula must be "Hung like Eshu!"
From this point on the movie delivers on so many levels, Abby,
just like Linda Blair's character in The Exorcist takes to the
road and heads downtown for a little Yoruba Ho-ing, Abby, talks
to a white dude about his dick size while he does his very best
W.C. Fields before disappearing upstairs for a little cheap Cognac
and little iner-racial boning. But Abby ain't done, she does a
little dance that features a couple of definite Louisville natives
threatening to do a D.P. on ol' Eshu to the beats of a 7"
rolling on the jukebox. God, for a minute I thought I was reviewing
The Exorcist, remember that scene where the old Priest (Von Sydow)
and the young priest (that other guy) where making a Blair sandwich
when...oh never mind.
The climatic scene in Abby is the inevitable showdown between
Dr. Williams, Emmet, Abby's brother, who is a peace loving cop
and of course Abby (Eshu). The three finally track Abby to Wendell's
Tavern. Emmet gets manually stimulated in front of a large group
of all-male bar-patrons as they cheer. Abby's brother spoils the
party with gun shots and Eshu begins to throw bodies around, spout
obscenities and get downright ugly. But one noticible thing that
goes on, the 2 guys who have been waiting for their slice of Abby,
well, they ain't skeered, man, a slice of reality right there,
I was waiting for that classic drunken barroom line I have heard
so often in my days of bartending, as the boys get ready to deadhorse
an unsuspecting inebriated coed, "the ladie's leaving with
me, Devil woman or not I am getting me some pussy!" Aw, the
good old days. Abby, herself, steals the show during the last
10 minutes of the film, as everyone takes all this shit very seriously
and Blacula acts as if The Source version of the Oscar
committee will be considering him for Best Male. To put it bluntly,
he uses his keen Afrolicious intellects on Eshu. And just like
in The Exorcist, there's flaming Disco balls, exploding Mai Tais,
Dashikis, vomit, white eyes and "mutherfucker" being
bandied about. Hell, all the while Abby keeps that smart little
white jacket on ...why? Because Linda Blair did in the The Exorcist,
I bet. It may seem camp to some, boring and goofy to others but
the ending of Abby ranks up there. way up there, in the history
of 'sploitation, black or otherwise.
Abby must be seen, period, at this point it has still never been
released to video and it is possible, because of the Warner Brothers
lawsuit in '74, that Abby may truly be a lost gem, forever paying
the price of being a small movie, albeit a successful one, (Abby
grossed over $9,000,000 before getting the yank) that a large
company decided to crush. William Girdler never saw a penny of
the profits from Abby, Girdler died on January 21, 1978, just
2 weeks before the lawsuit involving Abby was settled. Abby is
available from sources as varied as Wild and Woolly in Girdler's
homebase of Louisville, where you can rent it, to Witching Hour
Video, right here in Lexington, where you can get yourself a copy.
Once again, visit www.williamgirdler.com
it will not disappoint.
I am printing "I ain't scared of shit sucka, I seen Abby"
|Now this would scare
the Bejesus out of any old sex-crazed demon thing.
|With the burning
of the ball, Disco died...not really, but it sounded good,
Discuss this baby.
Black Gestapo Black
Girl From Tobacco Row
Rape Squad Join
The Meateater Do
Dixie Dynamite POW!
Run Stranger Run
Horror House On Hwy 5
Behind Locked Doors It's
Nailgun Massacre Some
Bat Pussy It had to
Thunder Alley It is
Blood Freak A Classic
The Geek Bigfoot Porn
High School Ghosthustlers
Frankenstein Island You
SuperCock Not that kinda
The Alienator Feeling
Angel Midnight Fantasy
Vanity and the Beast
Tim Ritter's $0 budget wonder
Nightmare Prof. Tread
still can't sleep.
Shanty Tramp She is sumpin'
If Footmen Tire You...?
Viva' Knievel Evel of
The Killing Of A Chinese
Bookie! Smart Guy.
The Pink Angels Gayness,
The Burning The 80's,
ahhh the 80's.
Q - The Winged Serpant! Larry
Fight For Your Life!
WARNING Racist content
Walking Tall Buford Pusser
in the Hizouse!
Sleepaway Camp Internet
Born Losers Ya Loser!
Shriek of the Mutilated
Bro. George gets busy.
Bury Me An Angel
Gal Biker and more.
The Grim Reaper Reap
Abby One of William Girdler's
Deadbeat At Dawn A
Sonny Boy Carradine,
Great Hollywood Rape-Slaughter
Savage Weekend. Take
Dead and Buried. A Should-be
Hot Summer In Barefoot
Night Train To Terror
I Drink Your Blood Glug,
Vixen Russ Meyer and breasts!
Truck Stop Women Honnnk
Daddy's Deadly Darling!
Flesh Feast Maggots!
Soapy the Germ Fighter!
Why Doesn't Cathy Eat Breakfast?
Moonshine County Express!
The Night God Screamed!
White Dog Racists Pets!
Hunter's Blood City
Slickers get offed!
Devil Times Five Sean
Terror at the Red Wolf Inn
Headless Eyes See It
World's Greatest Sinner
One of the best!
The Baby! Goo Goo!
Summer Camp Nightmare Viva
Attack of the Beast Creatures
Let's Play Dead Incest
Island of Death Vacation
Evil Come, Evil Go! Bye,
Darktown Strutters Get
Poor Pretty Eddie Deep
Miami Golem Jewish Folklore
Tenement NYC Apartment
To Kill A Clown Alan Alda Vietnam Vet!
The Spook Who Sat Next To
The Door Booya!
I Woke Up Early The Day I
Died Mr. Ed Wood.
The Mutilation Man Andy
Copp goes arty on us!
The People Across The Lake
The Woman Hunt Load Up
These Are The Damned
Crowhaven Farm TV movie