Sometimes people e-mail me from "major" metropolitan areas in this great land of ours and inevitably, they always end up saying something about the fact that Prof. Tread, Bro. George and Jumpin' Joe were born, bred and still reside in Kentucky...the land of hillbilly, toothless, cuzzin' kissing, sheep fuckers who either live in pre-manufactured homes (trailers, dumbass) or shit in a hole in the dirt in a 3X3 lean-to that is commonly referred to as an outhouse, right? It never fails, I think it is a little "what could these bumpkins know about movies, movie-makers are from the city..." Well that might be the case for a lot of the big time masters of film-type stuff, but back in the early 1970's there was a filmmaker raising a little stink right up they road here, by the name of William (Billy) Girdler...A man who flourished in the state known for its vices of bourbon whiskey, (Bourbon County, the home of said substance is 10 minutes from my door) gambling on the ponies (Louisville, Girdler's home is, of course, home of the most exciting 2 minutes in sports outside of sleeping with Magic Johnson, The Kentucky Derby) and of course lest we not forget, tobacco, that zany death weed that claims the lives of more casual users than Heroin, Coke, Oxycontin and car wrecks combined. That's right the man behind such exploitation classics as Grizzly, Zebra Killer, Asylum of Satan and this shit-tacular miracle of celluloid smegma known only as ABBY, oh yes, ABBY, was a proud Kentuckian just like us 3 goombas, so it goes without saying we love him as a kindred spirit and brother, albeit from another planet, KENTUCKY! Call us Kentucky boyz what you want, just don't call us late for the drive-in city-fuck.

ABBY is many things to many different people, who have had the honor to gaze upon its greatness. It is blaxploitation, at least in cast although the film is for everyman. It is a horror film, it involves demon possession, flying bodies, creamy lactose-like vomit and eyebrows that would scare and possibly scar small children. It is a comedy, possibly intentionally, not just in the "wow look at that" ha-ha fashion, but in a more cerebral, snide inside joke on the Hollywood which was taking place at the time...of course I am referring to the arch-nemesis of ABBY, THE EXORCIST, the supposed film so much like ABBY, that ABBY was removed from screens for plagiarism of William Blatty's tome to his dead mother that so scared my very own Mom, that we forever had a bumper sticker that proclaimed..."I not scared of anything, I've seen The Exorcist!" not on our bumper mind you, BUT ON THE DASHBOARD! I shit you not, my Mom loved 2 movies, Blazing Saddles, it had fart jokes, and The Exorcist, look don't ask me, she drank a lot. This review could easily become why that claim, the lawsuit which sprang from it, and the subsequent legal bullshit which followed, was exactly that, bullshit but I will save such ind-depth meandering for the pros i.e. www.williamgirdler.com the absolutely be-all-end-all, all purpose, Girder shrine erected by the incredibly talented and damn adorable, GirdlerGirl, who has once and for all, proven to me that us boyz don't make the only damned, full-fledged, film freaks, there are some gals have have the same screw loose as well, but I digress. I want to review the film without the talk of how Abby is exactly like The Exorcist in each and every way. So on with show... The Exor, oops I mean...

ABBY (1974) A.I. FRICKIN' P. Carol "Big Bird Cage" Speed, William "Blacula"Marshall and a cast of fine black actsmiths including Austin Stoker as Abby's brother, Cass, Terry Carter as Emmet, her husband and even Girdler pal, the lily-white Charlie Kissinger, host of Lousiville's Fright Night, shows up in the still, very rare slice of "ethni-debil-inside-me" fun that gets rolling as the aforementioned Mr. Marshall's Dr. Williams 'splains to a group of students what he will be up to on his journey to the wilds of Africa, Nigeria, in particular. It seems Dr. William, "Pheee-ol-O-gist", will not only be helping the natives clean up the trailer parks after this bizarre rash of natural disasters, but he will also be studying up on a cult that resides in the area, that worships a phallic (schlong) shaped entity that runs rampant in the bush. It seems this dick spirit is named Eshu and his followers they are a bunch of sex crazed, thrill seekers who are a small group of followers who make up a larger group of followers of the Yoruba religion. Marshall actually spoke on the subject of this real religion during the 70's, no doubt in a tasty Dashiki. The students, of course, dig all this sexy, sex talk and reward him with a beautiful batch of Bling, Bling...well not really, just a big old silver cross, but not before one of the more ambitious students proclaims, he will write his "Pheeesees" on Eshu. A stone-cole group of inter-lec-shuls, this bunch.

Next we are to believe Dr. Williams has arrived in Nigeria, why you ask? Because of the use of some rather lame bulk stock footage. Doc and his crew find a hollow phallic (one-eyed wonder worm) container. They go ahead and open it of course, dust flies, wind blows and these poor Indiana Johnsons are tossed around like big black rag dolls. We see flashes of some sort of thing with bushy eyebrows, bad male-pattern balding and I am assuming it is Eshu although it is short on the phallic (dong) symbolism we had heard so much about.

Finally we land in Louisville (pronounced Lou-a-vulle) for the uninitiated and are introduced to Abby and her husband an Episcopalian Minister and son of Dr. Williams, Emmet, as they are ready to begin their new lives together in a new home. They are chatting it up Mama Potter during the move and we get our first glimpse of Carol Speed (Abby)...and of the fried chicken. I would not be doing my job if I didn't mention how absolutely cute Ms. Speed is as Abby. Seriously, she is gorgeous. Abby and Emmet take a break and I spy in the background a bucket of "The Colonel" that is right, CHICKEN. Now it is no secret that ol' Harlen Sanders was from Kentucky. It is also not a secret that he secretly wanted badly to be involved in the movie making business, on more than one occasion he made cameos in Al Adamson films or course in trade for doing the catering for the crew. It is not a stretch to believe that Billy Girdler hooked up with the main offices of KFC to arrange Original Recipe for everyone on the set, of course in trade for a little product placement. That is my theory anyway, either that or BLACK FOLKS SURE LIKE FRIED CHICKEN! Because the next 3 scenes all involve some chicken eating.

Abby and Emmet get moved in, Abby hears noises at night, wakes up Emmet and makes use of this disturbance by fucking his brains out.

The next morning Abby showers Emmet's Jesus-loving love juices off her, only to have some sort of Madonna-shower-headed orgasm that has something to do with a big phallic (3rd leg) shadow creature we witness through the shower curtain...So, it is on, Abby has been taken over by Eshu, from way across the continents this phallic (main vein) God, set free from his domain (a hallowed out tiki lamp), gathered up his dust particled ass and has decided the daughter-in-law of Dr. Williams is the target to reek havoc with...I am with you, this is exactly like William Blatty wrote in The Exorcist...what a rip.

From here we have Abby, getting upset while cutting chicken, rolling here tongue around and convincing me further that this Carol Speed would have been dynamite in the sack, cutting her arm, talking in a evil-dubbed Eshu voice, singing in church (one of my favorite scenes as the flock grimaces, yawns and stairs at their shoes), then puking after dry humping Emmet's leg and tons more zaniness that mimics The Exorcist shot for shot, well if Linda Blair and Ellen Burstyn ate a lot of chicken and were black and Friedkin had a budget of $6.

These shenanigans carry on until Abby eventually kills Mrs. Wiggins, the overtly white organist just by bellowing "Wiggins isn't your name. Horace Wiggins never married you. He screwed you once and left you to rot like a rotting apple." Deadly words, you know like in The Exorcist.

Emmet has no choice but to tell Daddy to get his Yoruba black ass to Louisville and figure out what is up with his baby. Abby gets an X-ray, surprisingly Eshu doesn't show up, possibly an MRI might have caught a glimpse, but anyway, Abby slaps some Whiteys and runs home about the time Dr. Williams is listening to Emmet whine about his womans be acting all crazy. Abby tries to grab Dr. Williams crotch and we get a glimpse of Blacula's rather gargantuan hands, holy shit, Blacula must be "Hung like Eshu!"

From this point on the movie delivers on so many levels, Abby, just like Linda Blair's character in The Exorcist takes to the road and heads downtown for a little Yoruba Ho-ing, Abby, talks to a white dude about his dick size while he does his very best W.C. Fields before disappearing upstairs for a little cheap Cognac and little iner-racial boning. But Abby ain't done, she does a little dance that features a couple of definite Louisville natives threatening to do a D.P. on ol' Eshu to the beats of a 7" rolling on the jukebox. God, for a minute I thought I was reviewing The Exorcist, remember that scene where the old Priest (Von Sydow) and the young priest (that other guy) where making a Blair sandwich when...oh never mind.

The climatic scene in Abby is the inevitable showdown between Dr. Williams, Emmet, Abby's brother, who is a peace loving cop and of course Abby (Eshu). The three finally track Abby to Wendell's Tavern. Emmet gets manually stimulated in front of a large group of all-male bar-patrons as they cheer. Abby's brother spoils the party with gun shots and Eshu begins to throw bodies around, spout obscenities and get downright ugly. But one noticible thing that goes on, the 2 guys who have been waiting for their slice of Abby, well, they ain't skeered, man, a slice of reality right there, I was waiting for that classic drunken barroom line I have heard so often in my days of bartending, as the boys get ready to deadhorse an unsuspecting inebriated coed, "the ladie's leaving with me, Devil woman or not I am getting me some pussy!" Aw, the good old days. Abby, herself, steals the show during the last 10 minutes of the film, as everyone takes all this shit very seriously and Blacula acts as if The Source version of the Oscar committee will be considering him for Best Male. To put it bluntly, he uses his keen Afrolicious intellects on Eshu. And just like in The Exorcist, there's flaming Disco balls, exploding Mai Tais, Dashikis, vomit, white eyes and "mutherfucker" being bandied about. Hell, all the while Abby keeps that smart little white jacket on ...why? Because Linda Blair did in the The Exorcist, I bet. It may seem camp to some, boring and goofy to others but the ending of Abby ranks up there. way up there, in the history of 'sploitation, black or otherwise.

Abby must be seen, period, at this point it has still never been released to video and it is possible, because of the Warner Brothers lawsuit in '74, that Abby may truly be a lost gem, forever paying the price of being a small movie, albeit a successful one, (Abby grossed over $9,000,000 before getting the yank) that a large company decided to crush. William Girdler never saw a penny of the profits from Abby, Girdler died on January 21, 1978, just 2 weeks before the lawsuit involving Abby was settled. Abby is available from sources as varied as Wild and Woolly in Girdler's homebase of Louisville, where you can rent it, to Witching Hour Video, right here in Lexington, where you can get yourself a copy.

Once again, visit www.williamgirdler.com it will not disappoint.

I am printing "I ain't scared of shit sucka, I seen Abby" stickers...any takers.

Now this would scare the Bejesus out of any old sex-crazed demon thing.

With the burning of the ball, Disco died...not really, but it sounded good, didn't it?

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