Home The Show The Brains Rantings Stuff Hook Ups Brain Board


Wait, a cast like that and you still need a review? You worthless pussies! Ok.

The embalmed-looking Mr. Vincent and the still pretty durn hot looking Ms. Soles are running an advanced outer space prison craft which, as in many no-budgeters, is played by stock footage for the exteriors and a warehouse for the interiors(check out the futuristic alien rotary phone hanging on the wall in one hilarious scene) in which our old buddy Ross is set to be executed. Ross escapes, lands on our big blue marble, and runs smack dab into a staple of any worthwhile movie: a pack of annoying teenagers. Well, actually the teenagers run smack dab into Ross with a mobile home.

We then meet Mr. Law, who plays a park ranger, and two typical bumbling redneck idiot poachers. Then TEAGAN shows up. Who is Teagan you might ask ? Our titular killing machine of course, a short, freaky looking little weightlifter chick in a poor-man's terminator get up who might look intimidating if she wasn't wearing one of those Spencers Gifts new wave wigs like everybody used to wear in 8th grade during spirit week on "Punk Rock" day. Our major players have been introduced, hell, lets let the alienatin' begin!

The teens haul Ross's carcass to the ranger station where Ross lets the earthlings know that the alienator is a'comin'. See, Ross has this collar attached to him that's a tracking device, and the alienator will not rest! Will not stop! Will not quit until Ross is pushing up the meglorks (meglorks being the main flower on his planet. Ok I made that up.). This gives Ross a chance to deliver more ham than a honeybaked store next to a funeral home. And oh yeah you better believe that theres lotsa lasers and bullets and explosions and poacher killings and oh yeah the alienator justs keeps getting up!! Aieeee!!

My favorite scene then happens, Mr Vincent paws all over P.J. soles. The funny part is that P.J. looks like she'd rather be back at Rock n' Roll High School with Joey Ramone's corpse on top of her than have Airwolfs drunken hands on her cute little ta-tas. Leave her alone pal!.

Anyway back on earth the humans are on the run and hook up with a crusty old survivalist type who has mines and bazookas and everything short of an a-bomb and they stop the space-bitch with an electrified chickenwire fence. Huh? But hey Ross was foolin all along and he kills one of the teenagers but the alienator who is actually the good guy takes Ross's ass out. Taa-daa.

Brother George hated this movie but I say that Director Fred Olen Ray made a fun little cheapie here. It moves along at a nice quick pace and has a once in a lifetime(and maybe that's a good thing) cast. Take it from me, this sumbitch delivers.


Bring me the glowing head of Ross Hagen.

Jan is a little drunk here.

Damn, he is hot.

Alienator, oh deer, hahaha, fuck you.

Mail or
Discuss this baby.
More reviews.
Black Gestapo Black Exploitation?
Girl From Tobacco Row It's Good!
Rape Squad Join Today!
The Meateater Do Not Touch!
Dixie Dynamite POW!
Run Stranger Run Run Opie!
Horror House On Hwy 5 Sheesh!
Behind Locked Doors It's Dirty!
Nailgun Massacre Some Like It.
Bat Pussy It had to be done
Thunder Alley It is Rock.
Trucker's Woman Truck. Woman.
Blood Freak A Classic for You!
The Geek Bigfoot Porn
High School Ghosthustlers Wow!
Frankenstein Island You Must See!
SuperCock Not that kinda Cock!
The Alienator Feeling Alienated?
Angel Midnight Fantasy
Tanya's Island Vanity and the Beast
Killing Spree Tim Ritter's $0 budget wonder
Nightmare Prof. Tread still can't sleep.
Shanty Tramp She is sumpin' else.
If Footmen Tire You...? Heavy religiosity!
Viva' Knievel Evel of Course!
The Killing Of A Chinese Bookie! Smart Guy.
The Pink Angels Gayness, and Bikes
The Burning The 80's, ahhh the 80's.
Q - The Winged Serpant! Larry Cohen rules!
Fight For Your Life! WARNING Racist content
Walking Tall Buford Pusser in the Hizouse!
Sleepaway Camp Internet Geeks Unite!
Born Losers Ya Loser!
Shriek of the Mutilated Bro. George gets busy.
Bury Me An Angel Gal Biker and more.
The Grim Reaper Reap on.
Abby One of William Girdler's triumphs.
Deadbeat At Dawn A Modern Classic.
Sonny Boy Carradine, Dress, Dourif!
Great Hollywood Rape-Slaughter Rare expose'.
Savage Weekend. Take a break.
Dead and Buried. A Should-be Classic.
Hot Summer In Barefoot County. PeeUww!
Night Train To Terror Choo Choo!
I Drink Your Blood Glug, glug!
Vixen Russ Meyer and breasts!
Truck Stop Women Honnnk HonnnnK!
Daddy's Deadly Darling! Pigs!
Flesh Feast Maggots!
Soapy the Germ Fighter! Clean up!
Why Doesn't Cathy Eat Breakfast? Why?!
Moonshine County Express! Glug, Glug!
Twirl! Batons!
The Night God Screamed! Boo!
White Dog Racists Pets!
Hunter's Blood City Slickers get offed!
Devil Times Five Sean MacGregor's Titantic!
Terror at the Red Wolf Inn Burp!
Headless Eyes See It
World's Greatest Sinner One of the best!
The Baby! Goo Goo!
Summer Camp Nightmare Viva the Revolution!
Attack of the Beast Creatures Booga!
Let's Play Dead Incest craziness!
Island of Death Vacation madness!
Evil Come, Evil Go! Bye, Bye Sinners!
Darktown Strutters Get Black Sucker!
Poor Pretty Eddie Deep South Craziness!
Miami Golem Jewish Folklore or what?
Tenement NYC Apartment Blues
To Kill A Clown Alan Alda Vietnam Vet!
The Spook Who Sat Next To The Door Booya!
I Woke Up Early The Day I Died Mr. Ed Wood.
The Mutilation Man Andy Copp goes arty on us!
The People Across The Lake Good TV!
Wolfpack Shoulder-padded Nazis!
The Woman Hunt Load Up Gents.
The Devil At You Heels Daring Devil.
These Are The Damned Dammit!
Crowhaven Farm TV movie Classic!

Ross Hagen...ALIENATOR!

Galldang...Look at Jan-Michael...was he a hunk, or what?

Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock Rock n' Roll High School.

I can't think of anything funny to say...you do it.

Ross gets physical as the Alienator.

Is that Dee Snider?

Okay, now that looks like a beard shadow on that gal.

Ross pukes while buried in the ground, but me thinks he is supposed to be headless.

Now that is not Alec Guinness.

Meow, Meow, prrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Brains On Film 2003