ALIENATOR! JAN-MICHEAL VINCENT! ALIENATOR! P.J. SOLES! ALIENATOR! JOHN PHILLIP LAW! ALIENATOR! ROSS FREAKIN' HAGEN! ALIENATOR!

Wait, a cast like that and you still need a review? You worthless pussies! Ok.

The embalmed-looking Mr. Vincent and the still pretty durn hot looking Ms. Soles are running an advanced outer space prison craft which, as in many no-budgeters, is played by stock footage for the exteriors and a warehouse for the interiors(check out the futuristic alien rotary phone hanging on the wall in one hilarious scene) in which our old buddy Ross is set to be executed. Ross escapes, lands on our big blue marble, and runs smack dab into a staple of any worthwhile movie: a pack of annoying teenagers. Well, actually the teenagers run smack dab into Ross with a mobile home.

We then meet Mr. Law, who plays a park ranger, and two typical bumbling redneck idiot poachers. Then TEAGAN shows up. Who is Teagan you might ask ? Our titular killing machine of course, a short, freaky looking little weightlifter chick in a poor-man's terminator get up who might look intimidating if she wasn't wearing one of those Spencers Gifts new wave wigs like everybody used to wear in 8th grade during spirit week on "Punk Rock" day. Our major players have been introduced, hell, lets let the alienatin' begin!

The teens haul Ross's carcass to the ranger station where Ross lets the earthlings know that the alienator is a'comin'. See, Ross has this collar attached to him that's a tracking device, and the alienator will not rest! Will not stop! Will not quit until Ross is pushing up the meglorks (meglorks being the main flower on his planet. Ok I made that up.). This gives Ross a chance to deliver more ham than a honeybaked store next to a funeral home. And oh yeah you better believe that theres lotsa lasers and bullets and explosions and poacher killings and oh yeah the alienator justs keeps getting up!! Aieeee!!

My favorite scene then happens, Mr Vincent paws all over P.J. soles. The funny part is that P.J. looks like she'd rather be back at Rock n' Roll High School with Joey Ramone's corpse on top of her than have Airwolfs drunken hands on her cute little ta-tas. Leave her alone pal!.

Anyway back on earth the humans are on the run and hook up with a crusty old survivalist type who has mines and bazookas and everything short of an a-bomb and they stop the space-bitch with an electrified chickenwire fence. Huh? But hey Ross was foolin all along and he kills one of the teenagers but the alienator who is actually the good guy takes Ross's ass out. Taa-daa.

Brother George hated this movie but I say that Director Fred Olen Ray made a fun little cheapie here. It moves along at a nice quick pace and has a once in a lifetime(and maybe that's a good thing) cast. Take it from me, this sumbitch delivers.

ALIENATOR!

Bring me the glowing head of Ross Hagen.

Jan is a little drunk here.

Damn, he is hot.

Alienator, oh deer, hahaha, fuck you.

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