"PITY THE POOR WRETCH WHO DESIRES MASTURBATION BUT RENTS BAT
Every once and a while a film comes along that captures the
imagination of all who see it. A film that inspires discussion,
debate, and numerous re-watching parties. A special film. A unique
film. Such a film is BAT PUSSY.
There are no credits on our tape - we don't know when it was
made, where it was made, why it was made, if it ever played anywhere,
the names of any of the actors or writers or crew, but that's
OK. It just adds to the complete oddness of the whole BP
mythos. BP was supposed to be a porno film, that much is clear.
Fortunately for us, something went horribly, horribly wrong along
the way. This is not just a bad porno film, some big- haired 80's
coke jag filmed on a camcorder and set to synthesizer music, oh
no. This is hands down, far and away, 110% the WORST PORNO MOVIE
Lemme run this one down for you. We open on our 2 leads, BUDDY
and DUMPY- a very southern, very drunken husband and wife tandem
in the tradition of Liz and Dick (or in Buddy's case Limp Dick
but we'll get to that in a minute). Dumpy is never named as such
in the film but just look at the pictures. Buddy wants his wife
to perform sexual acts like the ones he sees in an issue of SCREW
( the best plug Al Goldstein ever had!) So they hop in the sack
and for the first of many times buddy can't achieve an erection.
Any other porno would stop the camera and attempt to get some
wood going But BAT PUSSY leaves that sucker filming to
capture B and D improv some of the most spiteful and hilarious
dialogue ever captured. "You don't know how to fuck!!" " I come
home and you got beans and taters for dinner when all I want is
hot pussy on the grill!" This goes on for about 10 minutes straight.
Then we meet BAT PUSSY herself. She's no great beauty but after
staring at those two for 10 minutes she's an angel straight down
from heaven. Bat Pussy, in her secret headquarters (the hand drawn
sign tells us as much), surrounded by her hi-tech crime fighting
devices( which include an old office desk and a can of furniture
polish) sets out to stop the "dirty motherfuckers making a fuck
movie in my holy Gotham City" . She slips on her grimy outfit
and heads out on a hoppity hop for god's sake to put a stop to
evil, or something.
Back to B and D: Another wet noodle incident, more screaming
at each other, more priceless lines: "Any child that would come
out of that pussy would have to be a monster!!" "You couldn't
eat someone if you were eatin' your damn grandmother!!" This goes
on for about 15 minutes straight. Turned on yet? Back to bat pussy,
she's on the way but stops to urinate and to foil a rape
(RAAAAPE SQUAAAAD!!!) . Back to B and D: " My horoscope says
I'm gonna fuck you in the nose!!" If I caught another man fuckin'
you I'd shoot you and fuck the man!!". Another ten minutes of
JOHN WATER'S WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF goes by until Bat
Pussy finally gets there.
She bursts in screaming "What in the name of god damn fuck do
you think's going on here?!" and immediately takes over the Herculean
task of giving Buddy a hard-on while Dumpy does what she does
best, laying there like a dead carp and swearing at her husband.
There are some embarrassing attempts at a threesome, and despite
Bat Pussy's spirited attempts ("Oh yeah bayby, git it! Git it!!
Git it!!) a high hard one just never happens. The end.
We here at Brains On Film hold this film in high regard. No
review can do it justice. Simply the most jaw dropping 45 minutes
you'll ever spend, it transcends the genre of porn and becomes
See it and see it soon. We love you BAT PUSSY. You complete
us. Godspeed, little BAT PUSSY, Godspeed.
(POSTSCRIPT) I recently tried to purchase a new copy of this
film to replace my old worn-out one but Something
Weird Video sent me another movie in a BAT PUSSY box.
Discuss this baby.
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The Meateater Do
Dixie Dynamite POW!
Run Stranger Run
Horror House On Hwy 5
Behind Locked Doors It's
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Bat Pussy It had to
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The Geek Bigfoot Porn
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The Alienator Feeling
Angel Midnight Fantasy
Vanity and the Beast
Tim Ritter's $0 budget wonder
Nightmare Prof. Tread
still can't sleep.
Shanty Tramp She is sumpin'
If Footmen Tire You...?
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The Killing Of A Chinese
Bookie! Smart Guy.
The Pink Angels Gayness,
The Burning The 80's,
ahhh the 80's.
Q - The Winged Serpant! Larry
Fight For Your Life!
WARNING Racist content
Walking Tall Buford Pusser
in the Hizouse!
Sleepaway Camp Internet
Born Losers Ya Loser!
Shriek of the Mutilated
Bro. George gets busy.
Bury Me An Angel
Gal Biker and more.
The Grim Reaper Reap
Abby One of William Girdler's
Deadbeat At Dawn A
Sonny Boy Carradine,
Great Hollywood Rape-Slaughter
Savage Weekend. Take
Dead and Buried. A Should-be
Hot Summer In Barefoot
Night Train To Terror
I Drink Your Blood Glug,
Vixen Russ Meyer and breasts!
Truck Stop Women Honnnk
Daddy's Deadly Darling!
Flesh Feast Maggots!
Soapy the Germ Fighter!
Why Doesn't Cathy Eat Breakfast?
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The Night God Screamed!
White Dog Racists Pets!
Hunter's Blood City
Slickers get offed!
Devil Times Five Sean
Terror at the Red Wolf Inn
Headless Eyes See It
World's Greatest Sinner
One of the best!
The Baby! Goo Goo!
Summer Camp Nightmare Viva
Attack of the Beast Creatures
Let's Play Dead Incest
Island of Death Vacation
Evil Come, Evil Go! Bye,
Darktown Strutters Get
Poor Pretty Eddie Deep
Miami Golem Jewish Folklore
Tenement NYC Apartment
To Kill A Clown Alan Alda Vietnam Vet!
The Spook Who Sat Next To
The Door Booya!
I Woke Up Early The Day I
Died Mr. Ed Wood.
The Mutilation Man Andy
Copp goes arty on us!
The People Across The Lake
The Woman Hunt Load Up
The Devil At You Heels
These Are The Damned
Crowhaven Farm TV movie