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--Jean-Paul Satre.

Every once and a while a film comes along that captures the imagination of all who see it. A film that inspires discussion, debate, and numerous re-watching parties. A special film. A unique film. Such a film is BAT PUSSY.

There are no credits on our tape - we don't know when it was made, where it was made, why it was made, if it ever played anywhere, the names of any of the actors or writers or crew, but that's OK. It just adds to the complete oddness of the whole BP mythos. BP was supposed to be a porno film, that much is clear. Fortunately for us, something went horribly, horribly wrong along the way. This is not just a bad porno film, some big- haired 80's coke jag filmed on a camcorder and set to synthesizer music, oh no. This is hands down, far and away, 110% the WORST PORNO MOVIE EVER MADE.

Lemme run this one down for you. We open on our 2 leads, BUDDY and DUMPY- a very southern, very drunken husband and wife tandem in the tradition of Liz and Dick (or in Buddy's case Limp Dick but we'll get to that in a minute). Dumpy is never named as such in the film but just look at the pictures. Buddy wants his wife to perform sexual acts like the ones he sees in an issue of SCREW ( the best plug Al Goldstein ever had!) So they hop in the sack and for the first of many times buddy can't achieve an erection.

Any other porno would stop the camera and attempt to get some wood going But BAT PUSSY leaves that sucker filming to capture B and D improv some of the most spiteful and hilarious dialogue ever captured. "You don't know how to fuck!!" " I come home and you got beans and taters for dinner when all I want is hot pussy on the grill!" This goes on for about 10 minutes straight.

Then we meet BAT PUSSY herself. She's no great beauty but after staring at those two for 10 minutes she's an angel straight down from heaven. Bat Pussy, in her secret headquarters (the hand drawn sign tells us as much), surrounded by her hi-tech crime fighting devices( which include an old office desk and a can of furniture polish) sets out to stop the "dirty motherfuckers making a fuck movie in my holy Gotham City" . She slips on her grimy outfit and heads out on a hoppity hop for god's sake to put a stop to evil, or something.

Back to B and D: Another wet noodle incident, more screaming at each other, more priceless lines: "Any child that would come out of that pussy would have to be a monster!!" "You couldn't eat someone if you were eatin' your damn grandmother!!" This goes on for about 15 minutes straight. Turned on yet? Back to bat pussy, she's on the way but stops to urinate and to foil a rape (RAAAAPE SQUAAAAD!!!) . Back to B and D: " My horoscope says I'm gonna fuck you in the nose!!" If I caught another man fuckin' you I'd shoot you and fuck the man!!". Another ten minutes of JOHN WATER'S WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF goes by until Bat Pussy finally gets there.

She bursts in screaming "What in the name of god damn fuck do you think's going on here?!" and immediately takes over the Herculean task of giving Buddy a hard-on while Dumpy does what she does best, laying there like a dead carp and swearing at her husband. There are some embarrassing attempts at a threesome, and despite Bat Pussy's spirited attempts ("Oh yeah bayby, git it! Git it!! Git it!!) a high hard one just never happens. The end.

We here at Brains On Film hold this film in high regard. No review can do it justice. Simply the most jaw dropping 45 minutes you'll ever spend, it transcends the genre of porn and becomes high art.

See it and see it soon. We love you BAT PUSSY. You complete us. Godspeed, little BAT PUSSY, Godspeed.

(POSTSCRIPT) I recently tried to purchase a new copy of this film to replace my old worn-out one but Something Weird Video sent me another movie in a BAT PUSSY box. Thanks guys.
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Sorry, Tread made the graphic nothing in the movie looks this good!

Our Heroine Suits Up. Or My Herion Shoots Up Or Something.

Buddy Sexing Up In The Holy Gotham City. Holy Soft-On!

God Dang, This Is Good Shit. Real Good Shit. Mutherfuckers.

Buddy, Wake-up Li'l Buddy, Come On Pal, Come On. Aw Shit.

Buddy is scared, not excited but scared.

Buddy Goes To The Book To Properly Demonstrate "How Ta Fuk."

Bat Pussy, Stop Bat Pussy, Nooooooooooo!

Bat Bushy. Old School Triangle. Ah, The Good Old Days.
Brains On Film 2003