Buddy's little problem became mine.

Just what in the fuck do you have to do to get kicked off the internet? If you spend as much time as I do (and I know I do) on the web, you no doubt realize that there is not much you can't find if you wan to find it. I've seen a wide assortment of farm animals have their way with skinny, fat, black, white, yellow and red partners of both sexes. I've seen a guy with testicles the size of a volleyball masturbate until he released about a quart of fluid, a woman paint a canvas with her protruded anus like a sort of colonic airbrush, I've seen hand jobs, foot jobs, blow jobs, amputee jobs and a man with his noggin buried up to his ears in a vagina the size of a VW hubcap. I've seen famous peoples tits, pussies and dicks as well as their autopsy photos, stupid folks hit by trains, pickled punks, back alley abortions and shit, yes, tons and tons of shit, sex-up, eaten and expelled. And those are all things that I've found myself clicking to see, that doesn't even count for the 500-800 pieces of SPAM I receive in a 24 hour period. Touting everything from dick growing pills to pre-pubescent fist fucking. Somehow this shit not only exists on the web, the folks who are responsible for seeing it that it makes it onto the Internet Super Driveway are none to bashful about it's existence. They email you about it. They send pop-ups ads flying by the thousands. They post on newsgroups, message board and in public bathrooms. "Haven't seen someone fuck this thing, this way, yet? Well click here! Get kicked off the internet? Bullshit, many are getting rich, getting kicked off...why? They ask? Who am I hurting? Well, nobody I guess...but so then how do I explain Brains On FIlm being "suspended" from the internet. Brains On Film, just a tawdry little b-movie site. The most pornographic image ever to grace the server was a still from the late 90s head scratcher BAT PUSSY, the female lead held the completely flaccid male member of "Buddy" the film's male star, leading it towards her closed mouth. More disturbing than erotic, this image could hardly be deemed obscene, sure there was a penis, but it wasn't much of one and it seemed as harmless as, well...as a limp dick...but that was the "porn type" content first pointed out by our former hosts Ready Hosting. In their own words "Crazy Bat Porn!" Er, yeah.

No one was more surprised about our demise than Vixen...that's not porn, that's art!

Most of the lead up to the first suspension of Brains On Film has been pretty well documented on the Brain Board. For those too lazy to partake in the message board, here's the Reader's Digest truncated version. A regular member of the board, Mr. Flarp, one Saturday morning, used the "N" word on the board. Yeah, that "N" word. I was up and had had a couple cups of Joe and I baited the conversation by making a judgmental statement about "niggers" and "hockey." Off color, racist, many would say. After a few back and forth off-color comments like this, we both went away smiling. A few days later, a visitor on the board decided that we were both hate mongers and the site was an atrocity because as moderator not only did I not stop this conduct, I joined in. His comments lead to more than a couple "fuck yous" from the peanut gallery and more than a couple long diatribes about my feelings on the use of racial slurs, free speech and his views, ultimately I even tried to "do the right thing" and apologize for my insensitivity to this poster's views. It lead to a anonymous note to Ready Hosting. The next day, the site was suspended for "Non-Payment, Hate Speech, and Animal Pornography" I'll quickly defend each one of those, the way I did to Ready Hosting, on the phone, for a couple hours....here's basically what happened. Ready Hosting had taken my credit card info some six months earlier and had forgot to bill me, according to their records, so they claimed I hadn't paid, even though the site had been there since June of 2001, the yearly bill charged to the same exact card, so bottomline, their mistake. Basically they had been hosting Brains On FIlm for free for about 6 months but niether one of us knew it. So then came the charge of Hate Speech, well, I, many times come off as a racist. My black friends have often said to me, that I take it too far, but they follow that by saying, I should take it that far. It's a judgement call. Some folks think not saying "bad" words will make them go away, me I like to think, if you say them more that they will become less relevant and leave more quickly... i.e the word "gnarly." And I don't mind letting the racial terms fly if I think I can get a laugh out of one. Just like any good social commentarian slash comedian. (See Lenny Bruce, Redd Foxx, Richard Pryor, Yackoff Smirnoff) But if there's one color of people that get most of my attention, it's the whites. I like to think I'm an equal opportunity offender but many don't see the humor in sensitive issues like race relations, that's their choice, either way, I refuse to bow to something as broadly defined as "hate speech" Is Jeff Foxworthy guilty of hate speech when he does his pointless, cracker bashing "you might be a Redneck" bits? How about Bernie Mack, or Chris Rock, are they comedians or Uncle Toms who just love calling the lesser members of their race the words worst dirty word for a giggle. Don't you have to say "I Hate..." for it to be deemed "Hate Speech" Are we so beyond correctness, political and otherwise that now just the mention of a word is enough to broadly stroke you a "racist." Who's definition are we using? Is The Onion's Herbert Kornfeld racist or does the fact that the fake photo of Herbert as a mousy white guy make it okay? Why is it okay for DMX to shout "nigger" at the top of his lungs? If the argument is "if you are one then you can say it" then isn't that basically racist? So anyway, I'm not gonna defend what I find funny, anymore, I'll just take my lumps, just remember you and you alone can give words power, I want try and take the power away by making them harmless. But you'll probably win. But Ready Hosting did see my point and the word "satire" was used by both of us.

Animal porn...pure and simple. The Bloody Ape goes rape...now that's obscene!

Now the subject of animal porn. Keith Crocker's film THE BLOODY APE has been reviewed and the pics and review have been sitting on the site for over a year. Now Keith knows I mean no disrespect when i say this but only your blind grandmother couldn't figure out the Keith's "ape" is some Long Island asshole in a monkey get-up. It's not really Bestiality and on top of that, the goomba never even planted his pole in any Homosapien poon. But the Ready Hosting rep. brought the gorilla sex to my attention, I calmly explained "THAT"S A GUY IN A GORILLA COSTUME!" "Oh," was his response. These fucking guys are bright I tell you. But after all was said and done, and I agreed to remove that one image of Buddy's wrinkled pud, brainsonfilm.com was back online. But it was apparent that we had been placed on some sort of internet version of double secret probation. Well, apparent if you read between the lines with usual amount of internet skepticism about everything being "alright." Ready Hosting once again, has no support for their customers, there is no correspondence shy of their online ticket system, which in my experience worked on solving small server issues but left me feeling most of the time fucked without being kissed, because no one would ever give an explanation to me about what was going on, they'd fix it or so they would say and I was to shut up and move on. They had to be shocked when Idecided to phone them up and discuss this suspension whole incident.

Complaints? Who's complaining? I thought people liked obscenity, this guy seems to be enjoying it.

So time passed, the offended person showed up long enough to deny his involvement in the site being shut down, then disappeared and it was back to normal for the site. Now in my heart of hearts, I knew Ready Hosting would be peeking in. They had brought up the usage of nudity on the board, in the film reviews. VIXEN, THE PIGKEEPER'S DAUGHTER and a couple of the racier sexploitation tiles obviously garnering attention at the corporate office of Ready Hosting. But keep in mind, no formal complaint from Ready Hosting had ever been issued to us, And seriously, given just a few of things I stated to open this piss and moan, who would really believe a nipple could get you pulled from the web. But ultimately it did. Late one evening when I got home from the day job. I logged on to check in on the board and the site had been suspended again, about 6 weeks after the first incident. Within 10 minutes I had found another host and I knew that the next day, I'd revisit my conversation of obscenity with some dipshit NT guru who probably had every email he'd ever received backed up on digital tape at his mom's house. Long story short, yeah, I spoke with them, "porn-type material" was the basis, I had already moved the site and basically ended our conversation with some horseshit about singing from the highest mountain what a bullshit company they were and I'd make sure that no independent webmaster i could come in contact with would ever utilize their services. Did I get any satisfaction, well, briefly until the task of tryingly to actually move the site began, Ready Hosting's NT server configuration, corrupted files, made the board inoperable on any other server without the wise and diligent but terribly ball-breaking attention Patty Breen could deliver upon it. There's little satisfaction is being screwed by someone as impotent as Ready Hosting. They suck, enough said. One rather humorous exchange which I guess NOW gives me satisfaction is this one, once again referencing Russ Meyer's VIXEN and Jumpin' Joe's review...
Ready Hosting Rep: Sir, she is showing her...you know...
Me: What?
Ready Hosting Rep: Her you know, she's just standing there. I'll tell you the name of the image.
Me: Her BREASTS?
Ready Hosting Rep: Yes sir.
Me: You cannot even say the word BREASTS?
Ready Hosting Rep: Sir, I prefer not to use that sort of language.

If you are wondering how something like that makes you feel. Loosing a big chunk of your work. Strange really, something you come to depend on seeing everyday disappears. A weird feeling, and it came at a time when the 3 of us have been wrapped up on other projects so we felt a little weirder, like maybe we should have been paying more attention to our little hobby. Bro. George, Joe and myself talked long and hard, even screaming about the future of this this thing, on the web and beyond, so maybe something good did come of all of it. Expect new stuff, weekly in some form, video or otherwise and a fe larger things on the horizon, as well. And speaking of on the horizon, is there any significance to a lowly little b-movie site getting dumped off their cheap server? Is this a warning flare for what might be a tightening of internet rules and regulations?

Attorney General John Ashcroft, the Patriot Act, the War on Terror, Family Values, CHild Protection and a reversal of roles, as the right retakes it's stand against free speech and the left are all of a sudden whining about being called un-PC. The DIxie Chicks loose millions for their record label by referring to our leader as an idiot, as if everyone with an IQ above mildly retarded shouldn't know that to be true. Tim Robbins and his wife, Susan, don't ge to go to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Right Wing pundits praise wire-tappers, payoffs and covert activities a new sort of "patriotism" meant to destroy "evil" and "liberate" the oppressed, all the while we 'Mericans trade the word "oppression" for "safety" within our borders. Maybe all of these things are coincidences but take a look at a note Ashcroft published about a year ago. The Attorney General wrote the following memo to all of the U.S. Attorneys:
As I am sure you are aware, the proliferation of obscenity, both via the Internet as well as through more traditional channels, has become a pervasive and destructive element in our society. I am committed fully to dedicating the resources necessary to combat this burgeoning problem.

To that end, I am pleased to announce an initiative aimed at developing a national obscenity strategy for aggressive federal prosecutions of such cases. On June 6-7, 2002, at the Department's National Advocacy Center in Columbia, South Carolina, the Executive Office of U.S. Attorneys and the Criminal Division's Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section are sponsoring an Obscenity Law Enforcement Symposium. This symposium will provide a forum to discuss the current state of the sex industry, the legal challenges in investigating and prosecuting obscenity cases, and the policies and guidelines necessary to develop our strategies in a thoughtful and deliberate way.

I encourage you and your staff to support and participate in this initiative and the upcoming symposium. I look forward to our partnership in launching and sustaining this important endeavor.

I see Ashcroft's point, I never liked the Constitution anyway.

Make no mistake, this Attorney General is out to get some thing called "obscenity" this isn't just about child pornography, those laws are already firmly in place. Just who will end up in Ashcroft's little "Citizen Camps?" How assine is it that in the year 2003, the attorney general is talking about "camps" to house enemy combatants. And he gets to pick the enemy, pretty nifty. Here's Ashcroft's own words...Pornography and adult obscenity are more than demeaning pictures in magazines and on the Internet - they are steps down a path to the degradation and, too often, the real abuse of predominantly women and children." "Over the past year, the Department has made significant progress toward reversing an almost decade-long absence of adult obscenity prosecutions."

It's not hard to see why little web hosts who are trying to make it in the dog fuck dog world of .dot coms, hoping to sponsor NASCAR events or to someday have a Super Bowl commercial are afraid of a stray nipple on their servers bringing the feds into their remodeled warehouses. Talking about taking the starch out of a few new Hilfiger button downs, imagine hving you hardware confiscated while the feds try and figure out if little TImmy caught a facial streaming off your crappy NT box. Whos' resposible for what, I guess is what I'm saying, Somebody uploaded it, but someone's server delivered it and of course, Timmy's parents let it ultimately in the house, but "Hey you can't keep an eye on your kids 24-7, you know what I mean, wink, wink." "Somebody must be sponsoring terrorism with their porn money and trying to fuck my kid in the ass in the process!" "Someone please regulate us, we are not safe in our own rental unit and the Missus and I keep asking, "is our kid sexy enough?" "Ashcroft, take me away!"

God Bless America and this mess. It seems our whole culture right this moment is driven by wanting to get laid and the denial of that urge, you got BLIND DATE, SHIPMATES, 5Th WHEEL, MR. PERSONALITY on one channel and wall to wall propagandizng about "freedom," "liberation," "patriotism" on the other and we are somehow supposed to make informed decisions about society and our fucking roles around this fucking sphere? Am I supposed to kill this someone who don't like my God or am I supposed to try and fuck 'em after our game of putt-putt? I'm confused, and I'm one of the fucking smart ones! Obscenity and porn seem to be about the last relics of real reality, and that is a sad fucking commentary. Pretty fucked when the thing that's NOT scary is a girl getting shit on somewhere in a German hotel room. That's nothing, stick me in a locked room with that Hannity fucker, that would be offensive to me, make me listen to his "fair and balanced" crock of bowel drain and you'll witness a man truly taking a shot right in the "feel bads." Our world isn't offended by lies anymore, just by reality...that "real" kind. Like dirty pictures and movies.

On the brighter side of shallow pandering while cashing in, VISA, in a move that looks like a combination of gouging and new Patriotism is reportedly going to begin charging "adult" sites a flat $750 charge to accept their business as well as increased fees all under the guise of stopping the proliferation of fly-by-night, less than reputable porn peddlers. Wow, VISA can get richer from porn while stomping it out in the government's eyes, what a fantastic concept. It's everywhere you want to be, on both sides of the fence.

The times, they are a changin'...again. Remember how good we had it when a guy was getting his tool polished in the Oval Office?

Okay, enough government paranoia, we're just Brains On Film, a tawdry little b-movie site, right, we make a show, write down a dick joke or two and worship bad, movies, the kind you all hate. We are gonna keep doing it until they pry the mouse from our cold dead hands or we just get tired of their shit. Just be careful out there. They are looking, for something, anything and ultimately everything. The only thing on our side is they really aren't that smart. Fight the Power. Whatever that may be. See ya 'round.
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