|Buddy's little problem
Just what in the fuck do you have to do to get kicked off the
internet? If you spend as much time as I do (and I know I do)
on the web, you no doubt realize that there is not much you can't
find if you wan to find it. I've seen a wide assortment of farm
animals have their way with skinny, fat, black, white, yellow
and red partners of both sexes. I've seen a guy with testicles
the size of a volleyball masturbate until he released about a
quart of fluid, a woman paint a canvas with her protruded anus
like a sort of colonic airbrush, I've seen hand jobs, foot jobs,
blow jobs, amputee jobs and a man with his noggin buried up to
his ears in a vagina the size of a VW hubcap. I've seen famous
peoples tits, pussies and dicks as well as their autopsy photos,
stupid folks hit by trains, pickled punks, back alley abortions
and shit, yes, tons and tons of shit, sex-up, eaten and expelled.
And those are all things that I've found myself clicking to see,
that doesn't even count for the 500-800 pieces of SPAM I receive
in a 24 hour period. Touting everything from dick growing pills
to pre-pubescent fist fucking. Somehow this shit not only exists
on the web, the folks who are responsible for seeing it that it
makes it onto the Internet Super Driveway are none to bashful
about it's existence. They email you about it. They send pop-ups
ads flying by the thousands. They post on newsgroups, message
board and in public bathrooms. "Haven't seen someone fuck
this thing, this way, yet? Well click here! Get kicked off the
internet? Bullshit, many are getting rich, getting kicked off...why?
They ask? Who am I hurting? Well, nobody I guess...but so then
how do I explain Brains On FIlm being "suspended" from
the internet. Brains On Film, just a tawdry little b-movie site.
The most pornographic image ever to grace the server was a still
from the late 90s head scratcher BAT PUSSY, the female lead held
the completely flaccid male member of "Buddy" the film's
male star, leading it towards her closed mouth. More disturbing
than erotic, this image could hardly be deemed obscene, sure there
was a penis, but it wasn't much of one and it seemed as harmless
as, well...as a limp dick...but that was the "porn type"
content first pointed out by our former hosts Ready Hosting. In
their own words "Crazy Bat Porn!" Er, yeah.
|No one was more surprised
about our demise than Vixen...that's not porn, that's art!
Most of the lead up to the first suspension of Brains On Film
has been pretty well documented on the Brain Board. For those
too lazy to partake in the message board, here's the Reader's
Digest truncated version. A regular member of the board, Mr. Flarp,
one Saturday morning, used the "N" word on the board.
Yeah, that "N" word. I was up and had had a couple cups
of Joe and I baited the conversation by making a judgmental statement
about "niggers" and "hockey." Off color, racist,
many would say. After a few back and forth off-color comments
like this, we both went away smiling. A few days later, a visitor
on the board decided that we were both hate mongers and the site
was an atrocity because as moderator not only did I not stop this
conduct, I joined in. His comments lead to more than a couple
"fuck yous" from the peanut gallery and more than a
couple long diatribes about my feelings on the use of racial slurs,
free speech and his views, ultimately I even tried to "do
the right thing" and apologize for my insensitivity to this
poster's views. It lead to a anonymous note to Ready Hosting.
The next day, the site was suspended for "Non-Payment, Hate
Speech, and Animal Pornography" I'll quickly defend each
one of those, the way I did to Ready Hosting, on the phone, for
a couple hours....here's basically what happened. Ready Hosting
had taken my credit card info some six months earlier and had
forgot to bill me, according to their records, so they claimed
I hadn't paid, even though the site had been there since June
of 2001, the yearly bill charged to the same exact card, so bottomline,
their mistake. Basically they had been hosting Brains On FIlm
for free for about 6 months but niether one of us knew it. So
then came the charge of Hate Speech, well, I, many times come
off as a racist. My black friends have often said to me, that
I take it too far, but they follow that by saying, I should take
it that far. It's a judgement call. Some folks think not saying
"bad" words will make them go away, me I like to think,
if you say them more that they will become less relevant and leave
more quickly... i.e the word "gnarly." And I don't mind
letting the racial terms fly if I think I can get a laugh out
of one. Just like any good social commentarian slash comedian.
(See Lenny Bruce, Redd Foxx, Richard Pryor, Yackoff Smirnoff)
But if there's one color of people that get most of my attention,
it's the whites. I like to think I'm an equal opportunity offender
but many don't see the humor in sensitive issues like race relations,
that's their choice, either way, I refuse to bow to something
as broadly defined as "hate speech" Is Jeff Foxworthy
guilty of hate speech when he does his pointless, cracker bashing
"you might be a Redneck" bits? How about Bernie Mack,
or Chris Rock, are they comedians or Uncle Toms who just love
calling the lesser members of their race the words worst dirty
word for a giggle. Don't you have to say "I Hate..."
for it to be deemed "Hate Speech" Are we so beyond correctness,
political and otherwise that now just the mention of a word is
enough to broadly stroke you a "racist." Who's definition
are we using? Is The Onion's Herbert Kornfeld racist or does the
fact that the fake photo of Herbert as a mousy white guy make
it okay? Why is it okay for DMX to shout "nigger" at
the top of his lungs? If the argument is "if you are one
then you can say it" then isn't that basically racist? So
anyway, I'm not gonna defend what I find funny, anymore, I'll
just take my lumps, just remember you and you alone can give words
power, I want try and take the power away by making them harmless.
But you'll probably win. But Ready Hosting did see my point and
the word "satire" was used by both of us.
and simple. The Bloody Ape goes rape...now that's obscene!
Now the subject of animal porn. Keith Crocker's film THE BLOODY
APE has been reviewed and the pics and review have been sitting
on the site for over a year. Now Keith knows I mean no disrespect
when i say this but only your blind grandmother couldn't figure
out the Keith's "ape" is some Long Island asshole in
a monkey get-up. It's not really Bestiality and on top of that,
the goomba never even planted his pole in any Homosapien poon.
But the Ready Hosting rep. brought the gorilla sex to my attention,
I calmly explained "THAT"S A GUY IN A GORILLA COSTUME!"
"Oh," was his response. These fucking guys are bright
I tell you. But after all was said and done, and I agreed to remove
that one image of Buddy's wrinkled pud, brainsonfilm.com was back
online. But it was apparent that we had been placed on some sort
of internet version of double secret probation. Well, apparent
if you read between the lines with usual amount of internet skepticism
about everything being "alright." Ready Hosting once
again, has no support for their customers, there is no correspondence
shy of their online ticket system, which in my experience worked
on solving small server issues but left me feeling most of the
time fucked without being kissed, because no one would ever give
an explanation to me about what was going on, they'd fix it or
so they would say and I was to shut up and move on. They had to
be shocked when Idecided to phone them up and discuss this suspension
complaining? I thought people liked obscenity, this guy seems
to be enjoying it.
So time passed, the offended person showed up long enough to
deny his involvement in the site being shut down, then disappeared
and it was back to normal for the site. Now in my heart of hearts,
I knew Ready Hosting would be peeking in. They had brought up
the usage of nudity on the board, in the film reviews. VIXEN,
THE PIGKEEPER'S DAUGHTER and a couple of the racier sexploitation
tiles obviously garnering attention at the corporate office of
Ready Hosting. But keep in mind, no formal complaint from Ready
Hosting had ever been issued to us, And seriously, given just
a few of things I stated to open this piss and moan, who would
really believe a nipple could get you pulled from the web. But
ultimately it did. Late one evening when I got home from the day
job. I logged on to check in on the board and the site had been
suspended again, about 6 weeks after the first incident. Within
10 minutes I had found another host and I knew that the next day,
I'd revisit my conversation of obscenity with some dipshit NT
guru who probably had every email he'd ever received backed up
on digital tape at his mom's house. Long story short, yeah, I
spoke with them, "porn-type material" was the basis,
I had already moved the site and basically ended our conversation
with some horseshit about singing from the highest mountain what
a bullshit company they were and I'd make sure that no independent
webmaster i could come in contact with would ever utilize their
services. Did I get any satisfaction, well, briefly until the
task of tryingly to actually move the site began, Ready Hosting's
NT server configuration, corrupted files, made the board inoperable
on any other server without the wise and diligent but terribly
ball-breaking attention Patty
Breen could deliver upon it. There's little satisfaction is
being screwed by someone as impotent as Ready Hosting. They suck,
enough said. One rather humorous exchange which I guess NOW gives
me satisfaction is this one, once again referencing Russ Meyer's
VIXEN and Jumpin' Joe's review...
Ready Hosting Rep: Sir, she is showing her...you know...
Ready Hosting Rep: Her you know, she's just standing there. I'll
tell you the name of the image.
Me: Her BREASTS?
Ready Hosting Rep: Yes sir.
Me: You cannot even say the word BREASTS?
Ready Hosting Rep: Sir, I prefer not to use that sort of language.
If you are wondering how something like that makes you feel.
Loosing a big chunk of your work. Strange really, something you
come to depend on seeing everyday disappears. A weird feeling,
and it came at a time when the 3 of us have been wrapped up on
other projects so we felt a little weirder, like maybe we should
have been paying more attention to our little hobby. Bro. George,
Joe and myself talked long and hard, even screaming about the
future of this this thing, on the web and beyond, so maybe something
good did come of all of it. Expect new stuff, weekly in some form,
video or otherwise and a fe larger things on the horizon, as well.
And speaking of on the horizon, is there any significance to a
lowly little b-movie site getting dumped off their cheap server?
Is this a warning flare for what might be a tightening of internet
rules and regulations?
Attorney General John Ashcroft, the Patriot Act, the War on Terror,
Family Values, CHild Protection and a reversal of roles, as the
right retakes it's stand against free speech and the left are
all of a sudden whining about being called un-PC. The DIxie Chicks
loose millions for their record label by referring to our leader
as an idiot, as if everyone with an IQ above mildly retarded shouldn't
know that to be true. Tim Robbins and his wife, Susan, don't ge
to go to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Right Wing pundits praise
wire-tappers, payoffs and covert activities a new sort of "patriotism"
meant to destroy "evil" and "liberate" the
oppressed, all the while we 'Mericans trade the word "oppression"
for "safety" within our borders. Maybe all of these
things are coincidences but take a look at a note Ashcroft published
about a year ago. The Attorney General wrote the following memo
to all of the U.S. Attorneys:
As I am sure you are aware, the
proliferation of obscenity, both via the Internet as well as through
more traditional channels, has become a pervasive and destructive
element in our society. I am committed fully to dedicating the
resources necessary to combat this burgeoning problem.
To that end, I am pleased to announce
an initiative aimed at developing a national obscenity strategy
for aggressive federal prosecutions of such cases. On June 6-7,
2002, at the Department's National Advocacy Center in Columbia,
South Carolina, the Executive Office of U.S. Attorneys and the
Criminal Division's Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section are
sponsoring an Obscenity Law Enforcement Symposium. This symposium
will provide a forum to discuss the current state of the sex industry,
the legal challenges in investigating and prosecuting obscenity
cases, and the policies and guidelines necessary to develop our
strategies in a thoughtful and deliberate way.
I encourage you and your staff
to support and participate in this initiative and the upcoming
symposium. I look forward to our partnership in launching and
sustaining this important endeavor.
| I see Ashcroft's
point, I never liked the Constitution anyway.
Make no mistake, this Attorney General is out to get some thing
called "obscenity" this isn't just about child pornography,
those laws are already firmly in place. Just who will end up in
Ashcroft's little "Citizen Camps?" How assine is it
that in the year 2003, the attorney general is talking about "camps"
to house enemy combatants. And he gets to pick the enemy, pretty
nifty. Here's Ashcroft's own words...Pornography
and adult obscenity are more than demeaning pictures in magazines
and on the Internet - they are steps down a path to the degradation
and, too often, the real abuse of predominantly women and children."
"Over the past year, the Department
has made significant progress toward reversing an almost decade-long
absence of adult obscenity prosecutions."
It's not hard to see why little web hosts who are trying to make
it in the dog fuck dog world of .dot coms, hoping to sponsor NASCAR
events or to someday have a Super Bowl commercial are afraid of
a stray nipple on their servers bringing the feds into their remodeled
warehouses. Talking about taking the starch out of a few new Hilfiger
button downs, imagine hving you hardware confiscated while the
feds try and figure out if little TImmy caught a facial streaming
off your crappy NT box. Whos' resposible for what, I guess is
what I'm saying, Somebody uploaded it, but someone's server delivered
it and of course, Timmy's parents let it ultimately in the house,
but "Hey you can't keep an eye on your kids 24-7, you know
what I mean, wink, wink." "Somebody must be sponsoring
terrorism with their porn money and trying to fuck my kid in the
ass in the process!" "Someone please regulate us, we
are not safe in our own rental unit and the Missus and I keep
asking, "is our kid sexy enough?" "Ashcroft, take
God Bless America and this mess. It seems our whole culture right
this moment is driven by wanting to get laid and the denial of
that urge, you got BLIND DATE, SHIPMATES, 5Th WHEEL, MR. PERSONALITY
on one channel and wall to wall propagandizng about "freedom,"
"liberation," "patriotism" on the other and
we are somehow supposed to make informed decisions about society
and our fucking roles around this fucking sphere? Am I supposed
to kill this someone who don't like my God or am I supposed to
try and fuck 'em after our game of putt-putt? I'm confused, and
I'm one of the fucking smart ones! Obscenity and porn seem to
be about the last relics of real reality, and that is a sad fucking
commentary. Pretty fucked when the thing that's NOT scary is a
girl getting shit on somewhere in a German hotel room. That's
nothing, stick me in a locked room with that Hannity fucker, that
would be offensive to me, make me listen to his "fair and
balanced" crock of bowel drain and you'll witness a man truly
taking a shot right in the "feel bads." Our world isn't
offended by lies anymore, just by reality...that "real"
kind. Like dirty pictures and movies.
On the brighter side of shallow pandering while cashing in, VISA,
in a move that looks like a combination of gouging and new Patriotism
is reportedly going to begin charging "adult" sites
a flat $750 charge to accept their business as well as increased
fees all under the guise of stopping the proliferation of fly-by-night,
less than reputable porn peddlers. Wow, VISA can get richer from
porn while stomping it out in the government's eyes, what a fantastic
concept. It's everywhere you want to be, on both sides of the
| The times, they
are a changin'...again. Remember how good we had it when a
guy was getting his tool polished in the Oval Office?
Okay, enough government paranoia, we're just Brains On Film,
a tawdry little b-movie site, right, we make a show, write down
a dick joke or two and worship bad, movies, the kind you all hate.
We are gonna keep doing it until they pry the mouse from our cold
dead hands or we just get tired of their shit. Just be careful
out there. They are looking, for something, anything and ultimately
everything. The only thing on our side is they really aren't that
smart. Fight the Power. Whatever that may be. See ya 'round.
Poop some email on Tread
Archives: Read Them All and Pass Them Around!
Rant 1: Cloning
Rant 2: March Madness,
Mayhem and Milk of MagnesiaTM
Rant 3: Some One
Should Have Told Me!
Rant 4: Where has
MY porn gone!
Rant 5: Craptacular
Shopping at the Mall
Rant 6: Your Ass-Inside
Have you got your Oz Prison Bitch name yet? Go
to Prof. Tread's OPBNG
and get yours!
How about your Porno
Name, get it! How you gonna get your grunt on without it?
Need Help with your Wigga