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What makes a cult film?

It could be any number of factors; cast, story, music, director. But if I had to hazard a guess, I'd be willing to bet that the reason TANYA'S ISLAND (1980) has gained cult status is because of the performance of Richard Sargent as "Lobo". Either that or because it has Vanity screwing a monkey. Yeah, that's probably it. Richard Sargent I mean.

Vanity plays Tanya, a gorgeous, vapid, unintelligent, stupid, stupid young lady who is on vacation with Lobo, her artist lover who quickly establishes himself as the villain of the film, not just because he looks like a Doobie Brother, but because he's a jealous shitheel. They're alone on a tropical island by the way, giving the movie a real Emmanuelle type-look. Actually the whole thing screams Laura Gemser. Wouldn't be much of a movie with just those two though, so we get a suitor for Tanya's affections. And it's a monkey. A big monkey. A big Rick Baker created monkey. A big Rick Baker created monkey who looks a lot like Jack Palance.

Vanity starts sneaking off with this very dangerous looking creature (who she names "Blue") and Lobo is instantly jealous. Then it's man against beast time for possession of the only chick for 300 miles, the "Nasty Girl" herself. Along the way Lobo becomes more and more savage and Blue becomes sympathetic and Tanya is still rock-stupid. I think there's supposed a lot of really deep messages in here about how man is the true animal or women are just the spoils of war or something but who cares? VANITY SCREWS A MONKEY! Think A.I. has Vanity screwing a monkey? Now which one would you rather see? OOK-OOK!

Okay here is what you want...Vanity gets it.

This guy makes Prince look like a little pussy...wait a minute Prince is a little pussy.

Jesus loves me yes I know...

I was gonna make a joke about Charles Darwin, now I forgot.

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Vanity is Tanya is wanted by a man and an ape and now Jesus.

Alright, sorry about the Jesus joke.

Here is the guy...he wants her.

Tricked ya...this is still the guy.

Okay here is the ape.

There, now shut up there is a Cheap Peek for you.
Brains On Film 2003