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GABBA GABBA DEAD! Since I last whined to you folks
2 punk rock legends have passed away. One you've heard of, one
you haven't. R.I.P Joey Ramone and Kennie Endicott.
ITEM! WHO WANTS TO BE A 32GRANDANAIRE? BIG FUCKIN'
Congrats to Lexington's own "Metal" Matt Dacey who recently fleeced
ABC for 32K on national TV!! Screw you Regis!!! This year at Tony's
party the beers are on you, Matt!
ITEM! I'M ONLY ONE MAN PEOPLE! In my last rant I went
on and on about it, but still no grass-roots movement for a special
edition DVD re-release of SAVAGE VENGEANCE. C'mon you slackers,
there's some ball getting' on that needs to get going here.
ITEM! B.O.F. BE GETTING' THE MAD HITS, NIGGA! We've
recently been graciously linked by some heavy hitters that saw
us increase our daily traffic by as much as 10 times over per
day! If you're one of our newbies stick around, the best is yet
to come! Well that's probably horseshit, but we do pledge to keep
the site going until we get good and tired of it. Thanks to you
guys who gave us links. Your oral sex is in the mail (which takes
3 stamps and extra scotch tape on the back of the envelope as
we just learned today).
ITEM! BROTHER GEORGE IS IN THE WEEDS! The dumb fuck!!
George is stuck now, he's making a movie whether he likes it or
not. I spent 3 hours with the guy this afternoon and the pre-pre-production
of making an independent film seems like such a hassle that the
massive stress of finally shooting the thing must seem like a
relief. This gives me new appreciation for the work that goes
into getting a low budget ("independent") film done. Will this
affect the reviews we do? Shit no. A bad movie is a bad movie.
But you guys should also remember that we love the movies we trash.
Will we stoop to the anemic formula of "so bad it=s good" reviewing
that's been run into the ground so often? No. We'll call a turd
a turd. But we do love our turds. That came out wrong. Just like
many turds do. It's quite the conundrum. Just remember that we
likes our crap whether it be good or bad. If you want to see George's
work as a producer check out 100 PROOF. Now the poor bastard's
gonna direct something. The dope. But speaking of reviews.....
ITEM! WRITTEN REVIEWS ARE NOW PART OF THE SITE AS A SHALLOW
DESPERATE SUBSTITUTE FOR REAL CONTENT! We all get together
to watch movies once a week anyway so why not type up something
about them. Our reviews may not be the best on the net, but we
do guarantee more unnecessary commas than any other site on the
web that has a webmaster over 7 years old. Run-on sentences? You
want 'em, w,e got, em, in, spades, baby.
ITEM! ITS GONNA BE A LONG YEAR IN SEXY LEXY! Lexington's
multi-time Mayor Pam Miller (Loved by some, loathed by others,
but in truth just stunningly mediocre) recently announced that
she's stepping down and won't seek yet another term of smiling
and looking brain dead half the time. The bad news is that local
tight-ass and uberdipshit Scott Crosbie has thrown his hat in
the ring. This guy is the publicity whore twat that has led a
one man intimidation spree against the Kentucky Theater and its
manager Fred Mills for running an old 3D 70's porno as a midnight
movie. His reasoning? Well some family might decide to go to a
movie at 12 at night and have no idea what the movie is and sit
down and see several seconds of very hairy 70's hardcore before
running away screaming in terror and/or arousal. Here's a free
clue Scott: Fred Mills is a fine, hard working, dedicated, moral
citizen of our town who doesn't use the bible as an on-ramp to
a better paying job. He contributes to and enriches Lexington
KY. He makes things better and more fun in Lexington KY. He does
this with precious little glory for what I'm sure is a modest
paycheck. He's a good person. You, Mr. Crosbie, are the walking,
talking, embodiment of why people hate politicians. Every show
of the porno sold out BTW. Hundreds of people who, like me, can
see through your pandering transparent bullshit. People, please
vote. Don't buy this lemon. Please don't mistake this for a conservative
vs. liberal rant. It's purely entertainment and nice guy vs. asshole
and user of jerking knees. Sorry to all you people who don't live
here, but this ain't the last of this issue on this site.
ITEM! CHICKS DO ROCK! (WELL, SOME OF THEM, VERY FEW OF THEM,
ACTUALLY, NOT MOST OF THEM) If you're in the central KY
region and get a chance to see the Supervillians, do so. They
play the punk sort of rock. Real punk rock. Not this Green Day
shit (don't complain, I thought Green Day were crap before they
made it big). Their singer (the Supevillians) used to be in a
shit band but she's made up for it.
ITEM! WRESTLING FANS, QUIT YER BITCHING! There are
very easy quick cures for the WWF shows being lackluster lately:
1: Visit Wrestlecrap.com. The only wrestling site on the net that
isn't run by an insider or someone who claims to be an insider.
Just fun entertaining stuff from an unpretentious hardcore wrestling
fan. (you have no idea what a rarity that is) He says he might
shut down soon so get there now!. 2: Go see an indie show. Chances
are there's a national guard armory near you that's hosting wrestling.
It's cheap, and with the death of ECW and the buyout of WCW there's
a good chance you'll see a "superstar" for 6 bucks. 3: Go see
PILLMAN TRIBUTE 2001. This will be my fourth Pillman show and
if "Benoit/Regal2" is as half as good as last year it may well
be the best match you'll ever see live. 4: Buy one of the new
WRESTLING GOLD DVDs. They're cheap and have Lots of great old
stuff from the age when one could pop a crowd without killing
oneself with priceless new commentary by Dave "I invented the
dirt sheet!" Meltzer and Jimmy "Joe's favorite manager ever" Cornette.
ITEM! UP YOURS YOU PORK EATING COCKSUCKERS!!! Went
for the bi-bi-bi-annual physical this week. Every 7 or 8 years,
this heath nut goes to see a doctor for a checkup like clockwork.
Get this: BP fine, heart rate fine; Blood sugar normal; blood
count normal, and ;(drum roll) CHOLESTEROL (and I quote)
"WONDERFUL". Who would have called that? Not me, that's
for sure. As an aside, if anyone reading this is suffering from
any sort of panic or anxiety disorder don't be afraid to seek
help and/or brain drugs ASAP. You aren't crazy, yer just fucked
up like the rest of us. Oww! This soapbox is hurting my knee so
I'm outta here. Stay thick, and thanks you knuckleknobs.... ...............Joe.
Email the Jumpin' One!
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