If I has only as important as Robert Vincent O'Neill's ANGEL,
then I could go on living. That is what I got from rewatching
1984's ANGEL...this movie lays it all out there for us, the viewers,
life on the streets of North Hollywood is tough, what with a serial
killer slashing up the gorgeous ladies of the evening, the creepy
undercover cops and trig homework, shit being Angel is a bitch.
O'Neill, who brought us Wonder Women and the absolutely
stellar Vice Squad, was shooting for the moon with this
puppy and he made a lot of green but Angel plays more like a made-for-TV
movie with a couple locker nudity scenes than the down in gutter
portrayal of the poon merchant that I believe we all want to see.
All I know is this was one hell of a date movie, 1984, wow, Merry-Go-Round
and Chess King was where any well-dress dude shopped. Homelessness
just didn't exist and the ladies, let's just say the only thing
you had to worry about was "herpes." I remember going
to see Angel on a Saturday afternoon matinee, with my high school
sweetheart and actually getting emotionally attached to Angel.
I mean she don't got no daddy, she has to hook to pay the rent,
and she hangs out with this kooky, extended family that looks
out for her. Hey prostitution looks kinda fun, can I do it, too?
Hell, hanging out with a fellow dressed up as Jack Lemmon, dressed
up as a lady, played to ultra-ham levels by Dick Shawn, whose
credits include the "Snow Miser" in The Year Without
Santa Claus, fuckin A, an aged old cowboy, Rory Calhoun, who
of course got the screws put to him to save the tabloids from
printing the fact that Rock Hudsun was a "queer" and
whose "Farmer Vicent" shall live in infamy, Susan Tyrell,
who is a angry lesbian mother figure, not in the movie but in
real life...what I am saying is although the movie doesn't glamourize
having a nutt sac rest on your chin for a living, it doesn't do
much to sway you from wanting to give it a try.
O'Neill tries his damnedest to give us some socially redeemig
shit, some slasher shit, some good cop shit and some shit. Unfortunately
all this shit may be too much shit to try and put into one shitty
movie. Had this been a little grittier, ala Hardcore, this
might have been a classic as opposed to an oddity with an incredible
cast...Angel, who is played Donna Wilkes, gave me a adolescent
boner as the sobby girlfriend in Jaws 2, looks as if she really
is 15 years old. I think she was actually 37 when she made Angel.
Seriously, she was proabably 24-25 years old. She never takes
her clothes off, she never curses, she never catches a load in
her hair. I am sorry , I just didn't believe she was a hooker.
A scene early in the film lends the only real grit to this thing,
when Angel is picked up by a overweight, balding, pock marked,
vice cop...played by Gene Ross! That's right BOF fans, Gene Ross,
Odie Pickett from Poor White Trash 2, and we watched this thing
and fucking didn't even recognize him not to mention Ross Hagen
drives by screaming about his pecker at Angel from the back of
a truck. 2 "great" actors, one great scene in a movie
that lacks great scenes.
Our slasher is the weightlifting mommy-hating type,who goes undercover
as a Hari Krishna, John Deihl, see him this weekend in Pearl
fuckin' Harbor, and is effective but doesn't have a line till
the end when he says..."Thanks" No, thank you. John
for livening up this otherwise feel-good fucker about whoring.
Okay maybe I am just old, but Angel still gives me something,
I am not sure what, but I hope antibiotics can kill it, but it
is worthy of the 90+ minutes you'll invest. Given that Julia Roberts
became America's sweetheart for a movie about sucking and shopping
with Pretty Woman, it is shocking that Angel is on it's 4th fucking
sequel and poor Donna Wilkes hasn't been in a film since 1988,
she can suck and shop too America! See it, and I might, just maybe,
review Avenging Angel sometime, we'll see. Right now I'm off to
pay for sex. Lader.
Discuss this baby.
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